This isn't what I wanted

"The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient towards you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."

2 Peter 3:9

You have at some point in your life thought to yourself, "This is not what I wanted." Or "This is not how it is supposed to go." Yet there it is going the way that it is going. It seems that often you become angry at God. Asking Him why this is happening like this. You wonder how He who knows everything, can allow these feelings to exist. To allow these experiences to exist. Then 2 Peter 3:9 comes to mind: "The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient towards you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance." He does not allow these bad things to happen. Things that go wrong, do not go wrong because of Him. You would imagine that when things go wrong and there is pain, He is also in pain. The challenge is not that these things are happening because of Him, but that these things happen without Him. Hebrews 13:5 "Be content with what you have, for he has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'"

You take on these hurts, these battles, these struggles on your own. You barter with Him to give you what you want, to take away what you do not think you need. And then when the pain is gone, so often is your prayer. Depression and anxiety, are a daily experience. Even when dormant, they are still very much present and alive in those who experience them. Some days are easier than others. You may wonder, why would God want this for me? Why would He want me to struggle this way? His response is something along the lines of "I don't." The next thing that comes to mind is that He is making me strong in those things.

Depression and anxiety are not experiences that are chosen. Few, if any, would wake up and say to themselves "today I want to be depressed," or "if only I could be more anxious." These experiences create an alternate life. A life that does not feel like your own, but a life that you are living outside of yourself. As if you are watching your life exist without you. Depression and anxiety come with enough challenges. Being angry at God, though does not make those challenges any more bearable. In fact, the bible says countless times, to come to Him in those moments. To seek salvation in His presence. 1 Chronicles 16:11 reminds you to "Look to the Lord and his strength, seek his face always." Even in those days of struggle, seek Him.

Instead of asking God, "why?" Let's seek Him to find the answers. He takes you as you are, and uses you for His glory. He sees your challenges, and He prepares you for what's ahead. Don't give up, because it's not how it was supposed to be. Keep going, because it will be exactly how it is meant to be. Galatians 6:9 "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." There is hope in Him, even in the moments that are dark.

Scripture:

2 Peter 3:9

Hebrews 13:5

Galatians 6:9

Reflection:

What challenges are you facing?

How can you turn these challenges over to Him?

How can you include Him in your life, even in the areas that may not be going right?

Prayer:

Lord, I hear you. I feel You. And at times I am angry that life is going the way that it is going. Sometimes I doubt that You are there, when these bad things happen, when I feel this pain. When things that I thought were supposed to go a certain way, do not go that way. But then I am reminded of Your plan. I am reminded of Your love. Lord, I know that in my faithfulness Your plan will be revealed. But not in my time. In Yours. Lord, I want to say thank you for allowing me to feel the things that I have felt. It has not been easy, and at times it was the hardest battle I thought that I would ever face. But Lord we pulled through it. We got to the other side. Together, You and me. Father God, this thing called life is not easy. There are challenges that are faced every single day. There are roadblocks, and walls. But through You Lord, there is a way. Lord, You are the way. You are the path. Lord, as others continue to fight, as they struggle with depression and anxiety, Lord I pray that they find comfort in You. I pray that they find hope in You. I pray that they find life in You. I pray this in Your holy name. Amen.