You are the 1

“What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?"

Matthew 18:12

"Sometimes the tears just fall. Sometimes out of the blue. And sometimes you know that they are coming. Other times, you know that they should be coming but they don't. What we choose to do in these moments, is what may set us apart from every other point of healing." --Unknown

Depression and anxiety are experiences without warning at times. While the cycles, triggers, and stressors may become familiar. These symptoms and experiences are not on your timeline, they are truly on their own. Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans of man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." While it may not be the case that depression and anxiety have purpose. They have meaning, they have value. You may find that these experiences motivate you to become advocates in areas related to your experiences. While the experiences themselves are not worthwhile; His purpose for you may be worthwhile.

Depression and anxiety may leave you broken. Tearful. Confused. Worried. Lost. But as you have come to know Him, you are reminded that He will leave the 99 to find the 1 (Matthew 18:12). Sometimes you are the 99 and sometimes you are the 1. Each time you are reminded that He reaches for you always, and forever. This at times may be confusing for people to understand, why would He leave the 99 to go in search for 1? Because He is that loving of a God, that even that 1 is purposeful, meaningful, and valuable. You are that 1.

Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Those tears that fall out of no where. Those tears that come rushing into your existence. He wipes away each and every single tear. And He knows all of the tears that have fallen from your eyes. For some there will be moments of depression and anxiety that are forever engraved in your mind. There will be reminders and flashbacks. There will also be those moments that become forgotten through healing and "binding of the wounds." But know this--He knows every moment of your life, your existence, and your trials. He truly knows you and cares for you deeply. Luke 12:7 "And the very hairs on your head are all numbered." So know this. Those tears that have fallen, and you have forgotten or lost count of, He knows them all. And He wipes them away. Revelations 21:4 "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

The question is often: Why? Understanding depression and anxiety, from the standpoint of the surface level: what it is and how it is diagnosed is one thing. To understand its purpose is completely different. These moments that are confusing, the tears that fall for no reason, or the tears that never come. It may be difficult to accept these moments as purpose. But He has purpose and uses it all for His glory and His good. Unfortunately, that does not make the moments more bearable. It does not all of a sudden make those moments "okay." For some, though, it is a step in the acceptance process. Wherever you are, or wherever someone is on this acceptance process--is is this: that depression and anxiety are part of life, it is just one step in the journey. It is okay to not be sure where you are, or where someone else is. The part to take notice is that you are working towards acceptance or healing. Feeling that you can find support in yourself and in others may be a key element to this step in your journey.

Depression and anxiety, while highly researched, do not exactly come with a step by step manual on how to manage. It is a lot of trial and error, learning and growing, falling and getting back up again. And again. And again. With Him, who will leave the 99 to come find you, the 1.

Scripture:

Proverbs 19:21

Matthew 18:12

Psalm 147:3

Luke 12:7

Revelations 21:4

Reflection:

Do we choose God in these moments that we do not understand?

How do you treat yourself during periods of discomfort and misunderstanding?

Where do you find healing?

Do we try too often to understand something that is not meant to be understood?

Prayer:

Lord, as I fall and get back up again during my journey with depression and anxiety may I recognize that through You there is purpose, there is hope, and there is strength. These moments are without warning and sometimes without purpose. But Lord, You have promised through Your word that You will take my struggles and use them for Your good. Lord, use me and use others for Your good. For Your will. May those who are first starting on this journey know that they are not alone. And may those who are long surviving these experiences use their awareness for those who are new. Continue to be the guidance for all to come closer to You and Your son, Jesus Christ. Amen.