Hello? Are you there

"Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known."

Jeremiah 33:3

Often times when experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety you may find yourself feeling that others do not understand, or get the experience. And, those who do not understand the experiences may not know how to be present or show that they understand. Recently the discussion of listening skills came up in a conversation and it was brought to the attention of those present that humans speak at a rate of 150 words per minute, and they listen at a rate of 1,000 words per minute. What this comes down to is that in a ten minute conversation someone can say 1,500 words, but the other person is capable of hearing 10,000. The ratio is challenging and very skewed. It may lead to the frustration that people experience when trying to express themselves to others.

So the question is: are you really a good listener?

There is this human condition that is occurring in the world today where people are truly listening faster than people are talking. In fact there are countless examples that every reader can relate to:

"Hi, how are you?" "I'm good. How are you?" "Not doing too well." "Good." *Wait a Minute*

"Hey so I had this idea...." "Oh yea, I had this idea about wanting to get everyone together for something." *Wait a minute*

In the first scenario the first individual assumed or was getting ready to reply to the person before they could even hear that the person said "Not doing too well." The second scenario you see the interruption epidemic that is occurring where people jump in with their own ideas, or their own statements, before even hearing what the other person has to say. How many times have you been this person? How many times have you said that you were fine when you really were not because "I figured no one would listen anyways?" The world is moving fast, but you have to stop and listen if you are going to address depression and anxiety; more importantly if you are going to be present for those who experience depression and anxiety.

Signs of being a bad listener.

1. Jumping to conclusions

2. Giving advice when it is not asked for

3. Focusing more on how you are going to reply, than what the person is saying

4. Changing the topic to something that is more relatable to yourself

5. Interrupting the other person

But there is hope. Ways of improving listening skills is through:

1. Paraphrasing

2. Repeating

3. Asking questions

4. Remembering what the person says

God models for you an example of being a good listener. He is patient with you. He knows what is on your heart, and on your mind; even when the words cannot be formed. He listens to you whether or not there is physical sound coming from your mouth. He wants a relationship with you, and one of the ways that this occurs is through the action of prayer. You speak, He listens. He speaks, you listen. This mutual relationship builds upon the core values of respect. God models for you, how to be a good listener, by the examples that can be mirrored in relationships with your friends and family that are going through depression and anxiety. They want to be heard. They want to be understood. And chances are, they do not understand the depression or anxiety any more than you do. Can you be present with another person the way that God is present with you? Being heard and listened to is a powerful experience that can change moods and experiences for the better. Recently, in that same discussion about listening, a person was asked "How did it feel when the other people in the group listened to what you shared and were able to respond to that specifically?" The person responded "really really good."

Scripture:

1 John 5:15

And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him

Jeremiah 33:3

Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known

Proverbs 10:17

Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life; but he who rejects reproof leads others astray

Reflection:

How have you been a bad listener? A good listener?

What do you want others to hear from you?

How can time in prayer support your desire to be heard?

Prayer:

Lord, I come to You at times with words and experiences that I understand. And other times I am at a loss of words and can only feel. As I try to share my experiences let me hear Your voice so that I may understand what You want me to understand. In moments of hurt, I find more hurt in trying to explain what I so often do not understand myself. Lord give me the words that I need to explain why depression and anxiety are so painful and difficult to bear. And lead me to others who have ears to hear what I have to say. Surround me Lord with people who may be present with me, the way I know that You are. In Your son's name. Amen.