Redemptive God

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4

Vulnerable post today. I finished a biblical worldview course in May of this year and the theme across it was: Creation; Fall; Redemption; Restoration. It's interesting how that theme has shown up in more ways than just that one. Whether it's through bible studies, posts on instagram, or subtle nods to it throughout scripture when it's not really the main event. And of course there is the Bible's story of creation, fall, redemption, and restoration. More recently, I'm seeing this narrative in myself personally. Please know that this is not to replace the Bible or Gospel. Instead it is a testimony of how real the Bible is and how true the Gospel is.

My Creation. My Fall. My Redemption. My Restoration. It is a timeline of my life through the lens of God's goodness, His grace, and His endless mercies. Here's the thing though. No one likes the fall. Whether you try to avoid it, ignore it, or deny it does not change that in all our stories we have a moment of fall. The fall for each of us is different. For some it is a rock bottom, for other's it is a single moment of disobedience. Remember "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," (Romans 3:23). The pieces are coming together though in my own life right now, and I'm receiving the pleasure of hindsight is 20/20. I'm living proof of redemption and I believe in God's ability to restore. But it does not remove the grieving of the fall. It does not dismiss the grief of the things once hoped for. It does not change the pain of loss in what I once knew was a beautiful story of God's goodness. But here's the thing I also know, even if the things that we want and believe to be truly good do not happen, God is still good. I'm living at that crossroads right now. The road of pain and the road of glory are coordinated and pinned right now on my chest. The weight is heavy. The drag is hard. The burden is too much to bear. And yet, I know that God has given me a Savior to carry the weight for me, and a Savior who tells me to take up His yoke because it is not heavy. I'm there. I've flipped my turn signal and I'm looking both ways, and I'm pulling out into the middle of the intersection. I'm taking the road that is narrow. And I am terrified. Because for so long, the road that I was on was comfortable, even though it was painful. We often find comfort in the pain because it is "normal" but there is nothing normal about the road between the fall and redemption. I wanted things to be different. I worked hard to make changes that were good for me physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And I am so glad that I did. But my heartaches, and I know God's heart breaks with me, when in all these efforts and changes the picture that was once in my mind is not the reality. And it is a good picture. It is a Godly picture. Even today, I stood out in the middle of my yard at 6:15am, and it was quiet, the autum glow of warm color changes was seen all around me, the dogs played in the yard, and I was truly at peace. But there was also a piece of me that was broken. I could not understand why I was standing there alone. The painful part is that I know right now two truths are existing: this is not ideal, and God is still good.

Here's the thing though, the picture that is good and the picture that is Godly was not always the picture. It was once my fall. It was once the narrative of my story that led to anxiety, depression, hurt, misguidance, struggles, torn relationships, and heartache. Even as I write this my body has tiny anchors of those moments and cringes. But the new redemptive picture. This one is good. This one is Godly. This one is the path to restoration. God is waving me through with arms of cheers and words of encouragement. He is the running father. And He is running toward me. The girl who gave every effort for others, the girl who dropped everything for others, the girl who sacrificed so much for others running after them. God is running towards me!

So here's the thing. When it comes to depression and anxiety, it is not ideal. It is not what God had in mind for your life. It does not change the fact that it exists. But whether or not it exists does not define the truth that God wants something more for you. And He is waiting for you to turn your turn signal. Sometimes, it is about learning to live with the heaviness of the world, and not trying so hard to avoid it. Learning to lean into God who does not change. I am sad for those years that I lost to the ideas of what I thought I wanted, I am disappointed that it took so long to realize what I actually do want, what I actually do deserve, and what I actually do need. I have asked for it. I've spoken it outloud. I did not get the response I wanted and I am truly okay with that. I'm okay with that because unlike before, my worth and value is not dependent on the response from anyone but God. Even as I write this there is a laundry list of trials. From relationships, friendships, work decisions, finances, health, and everything in between. But I can say right now that I am counting it all JOY.

Scripture:

James 1:2-4 (NIV)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Deuteronomy 30:3 (NIV)

 then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you.

Romans 3:23 (NIV)

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Reflection:

Consider writing out your timeline and pinpointing your own narrative of creation, fall, redemption, and restoration. Highlight in some way the times that you know God was working behind the scenes, present, and working to restore your story.

Prayer:

Father God, You knew all along, You waited patiently, You prepared for this moment. God thank you for being an ever constant presence in my life, even when I thought I knew what I wanted or needed, You patiently denied me. Lord, none of us truly know the story that You have in mind for our lives, but I for one am grateful for the path that you have set before me. I am thankful for the trials, I am joyful in You. Lord, I pray for those who are struggling with their own fall. I pray for those who continue to pace the room with depression and anxiety and who do not know that there is a doorway for them to use. Lord, You are the doorway to our salvation and I pray that each every person knows that it is ready to be opened to them. I have experienced You running toward me with arms wide open. Father, I know that same joy exists for others. Because of the sacrifice of Your Son. Amen.